The Story - Part 1

It was the strangest meet cute. They met in a mental health chat support site. She was a user for four years. She accidentally discovered the website during the pandemic when the usual chat site she went to for social contact was shut down until further notice due to reports of pedophilia. It was June. She had received the information that she was laid off in May. She fell into deep depression. It seemed to be the inevitable end to what was turning out to be freefall of mishaps and misunderstanding at her workplace. She was not surprised, she knew something was coming. It was a relief when she was told about the layoffs. 

Her mind however went into a deep survival mode depression. She showered, ate, cooked and watched Bluebloods. Her sleep schedule was topsy turvy, she slept when she was tired, laid in bed and watched her show. That was when she met Steph. Steph was a user in the same chat site. He was talking about his gardens, how he had these beautiful trees and plants and flowers blooming. He was brimming with sunshine and happiness, a sharp contrast from the usual, dreary misfortunes that was aired by the tormented souls who vented on the main chat. She was transported to the Japanese zen gardens she had created in mind when she read "Memoirs of Geisha". She responded how she loved gardens and plants. Steph private messaged her. His username was ****. Hers was ***. He talked to her about planting Cayla lillies and the trees and his plans to expand his garden. He was saying how the garden was in full bloom that summer. She imagined a small, Japanese woman toiling away at the perfect garden with a wooden bridge, a small pond  beneath with koi fish and flowers blooming on the shore of the pond with huge trees in the background. She loved his energy and was warmed by the enthusiasm emanating from her mobile screen. She lowered her guard and talked about her childhood enthusiasm for the small garden and the plants her parents grew. She told him about being laid off at work and her troubles with work. He encouraged her to seek employment in other countries and to move there. Imagine her surprise when she learned that he was a Canadian, married and worked in a leadership position with Dcx. She chastised herself for thinking that all kind souls are women and decided to form a friendship with him.

The next few weeks Steph private messaged her whenever he was online. She was of course online all the time, neglecting to live her life, struggling to do basic chores, finding motivation from the Spanish guy, Marc, whom she had recently met in the chatsite who motivated her, listened and empathised with her and was by then her boyfriend of two weeks. Marc was her first white boyfriend and by mid July, she was smitten with him. Steph was a good friend in her mind. He messaged her whenever he was online. They talked of architecture, temples she loved, her trip to one of the beautiful temples in June. She brushed aside his suggestions about moving abroad for work having turned down an opportunity to work in London the previous year. She shared details about her work and the toxic environment she had come to resent and the disastrous end to her previous job. He was kind and cheerful and supportive. 

In the months of June, July and August she rarely had time for her friends because she was getting to know Marc. She had slowly started to paint her furniture, her bedroom, clean, cook and eat healthily. She was turning positive about the future. It was a huge struggle for her to go out to buy stuff, paints for the walls, groceries etc. But with the support of Marc and the new energy she got from the relationship, the happiness from being accepted and the validation from a guy, she managed to have a semblance of life despite her struggles. By mid July, she learned that Marc's wife had accused him of domestic violence, he was financially not well off and would not be able to support a new family if she wanted one with him. Their plans to meet in person came to an end when Marc told her that he did not have a legal visa to stay in the UK, that he had missed reapplying his visa. In August, he also told her he was in a relationship prior with a Swedish woman for four years, which had completely crushed him. While his divorce had destroyed him financially and mentally, his relationship with the Swedish woman had destroyed his trust. By the end of August, it was over.

She had her first argument with Steph over her breakup. She was sharing her perspective of the  relationship and her thoughts and feelings, trying to make make sense of it all. She was in pain and was distraught. She was trying to take responsibility for her share in the failure of the relationship such as unable to completely accept Marc for himself including his financial status, avoidant attachment styles and silent treatment. Steph blamed it on all Marc which she thought was unfair. He seemed to grow silent and the next time, she initiated the contact, he was as happy as a lark to see her messages. This is one of the things she would come to love about him.