"I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set him free."
Welcome! This blog is about my random thoughts, colourful pictures and paintings, some of my pencil drawings, reflections on things I feel strongly about and my experiences as I journey through life. Hope you enjoy it. Feel free to add your comments and suggestions, but please refrain from spam, racist or uncomfortable comments. Thanks for visiting!

Tuesday 30 May 2023

Emotions - Anger

I feel everything very deeply. It is always a mix of emotions, simply not one emotion whatever the circumstances are. But one thing comes across clearly, anger.

Sometimes it is the frustration from not being able to emote clearly or understand the emotions. 

Most often the emotions and reactions are simultaneous, there is just a split second, no time to pause or think. There is just action no thought and the subconscious mind takes over.  The triggers are so powerful that it is impossible to breathe, think, analyse and ignore the fluff and respond in a smart, tactical way.

There is no resistance to change angry behaviour, but resistance that anger can be paused and handled in a controlled manner because of the way it feels, like being overwhelmed without any choice.

Underlying emotions:

The anger could be foremost emotion but there are other emotions too. Sometimes anger disguises the other underlying emotions such as sadness, hurt, disappointment, guilt, shame etc It is easier and comfortable to feel and express anger than the other emotions. 

Peel the anger back and take a peek at the underlying emotions: Often it is hurt or being wronged

Understand the emotion and the origin by using mindfulness

Slow down the moment like a replay of the scene frame by frame. Create a brief pause to create a moment to think. Identify and understand the trigger. Say, the conversation with a person, always triggers anger, write down the dialogue and what is being said by the person.  

Rewrite your perception of understanding what the person means by their words. 

Write down what the trigger was, what the thought was that showed up (I'm being told that I'm wrong, doing doing a good job, being blamed for something that I cannot control, I was wronged and that memory is triggered etc.), define the emotions, the physiological sensations (fast hearbeat, high pressure, high temperature, shaking, crying, etc)

Once this is understood, write it down. Repeat the said words back to the person and seek clarification and ask if the understanding is right. 

Respond to the question and ask if it helps their understanding.

Thus make a different choice instead of anger.

Being Right v wrong and safe v threat:

Giving up being right or safe might mean putting your own or others lifes at risk. 

Right / Wrong card game - Analyse the consequences of being write and wrong

Write down the thoughts and use it to analyse if it is right or wrong. Whether we are right or wrong, the problem remain unsolved. 

Always being right does not bring the happiness and safety that we seek. 

Let go for having to be right and focus instead on actions and behaviour that brings happiness.

Anger is a much richer experience than a physiological/ reflecive response to all triggers accompanied by angry behavior. 

Anger is a source of information to identify the core values. Anger arises because something we value is disrespected or disregarded. 

Identify what the anger is trying to tell and choose mindfully to respond instead of react, thus making Anger to help engage in valued behaviour. 

Practice makes perfect!!

Monday 1 May 2023


 I hope my friends in blogland are well!

I have not been well over the past several years. I have been getting better recently. However, it feels like I'm completely broken and can never be put together again. 

I keep trying to assemble the broken pieces and put it together but it seems impossible. Do you guys ever feel this way?

It seems to me no matter what I do or how much I learn, I can never be the person I once was, carefree and joyous even if I were dramatic. 

Recently, I was betrayed by someone I trusted. This person need not have said anything, I don't know if I would have made an alternate decision. But, given my complete state of analysis paralysis, I would have listened to a trusted person's advise in my life and most likely have made a different decision.

Now that I realise, I was most likely played, I don't understand the motives or behaviour of such people. Why would someone do this deliberately? Why would someone lie and betray the trust? This is of course not the first time this has happened to me. The worst part is I still like this person. I don't know how to tell my brain that it was a lie and I should give up on them. I seem incapable of doing so and keep wishing and hoping that it was a mistake and this person is a decent one.

It does however come in the heels of a massive betrayal a few years ago, And at a time when I am healing which has led to a setback. 

I don't know what I want anymore. It has been completely demotivating and I cannot envision anything anymore. Have you guys ever felt like you were safe and suddenly the safety was all a pretend and now you cannot be there anymore? To top it all off, you have to pretend to be happy and do the same thing over and over. I realised I was stuck in a groundhog day which is why I decided to do something to change in fall 2021. And last year everything seem to be coming together. But then I made a wrong decision and now it has again fallen apart.

I absolutely want to give up. I can't find a reason to continue living the groundhog day. I do realise most people would love to be in my situation. It is all externally well and pleasant. But it is not really well inside. Do you guys have any words of wisdom? Any encouraging thoughts?

What do you do when you want to give up? Who do you turn to when everything is bleak?

P.S If you're commenting please login or leave a name. It is frightening to get very personal messages from an anonymous account. I did get a message with my name in it but it was posted by anonymous. Thanks for understanding!

Thursday 11 August 2022


 Here are some pictures from my recent trip to Odisha :) 

Jagannath Temple

Chandrabhaga Beach
Puri Beach

Rainy day
Rainy Day

Chandrabhaga Beach

Sun Temple, Konark

Sun Temple, Konark

Sun Temple, Konark
Sun Temple, Konark

Puri Beach

Saturday 16 July 2022


 Here are some sketches :)))


Radha krishna pastimes