Positivity and Mental clarity

In a mind that is ravaged by mental health issues, have you ever found moments of lucidity, clarity when the brain fog lifts and parts enough? It feels like the curtains have been suddenly opened to give you glimpses of sunlight and the feelings that everything is just as they should be? And that the future is positive and hopeful? 

The darkness may again fill your brain and you feel everything is dying, hopeless and the world is colourless, void of dreams. But have there been brief moments of bright light flooding the dark corners of your brain, offering a respite from the ever circling thoughts of doom, ruminations, regrets and negativity?

Just brief periods of lucidity amidst long stretches of murkiness and shadows. Sometimes it is as if we only have energy for those flashes of light and then we become a ghost?

Certain activities that deviate from our normally dull, boring, repetitive set of tasks can bring about this change. One such activity is spending time with a bright, brilliant, kind kid who is curious about everything and is a delight to be taught about the wonders of science or math, the intricacies of languages and sentence structures. Others are meditation, a coloring book. 

These may seem simple but they have a profound effect on the psyche. I do hope these brief moments last always and the future is filled with hope and all the dreams come true.

Fake Blake Lively Cruelty

 The list of people Fake (Blake) Lively has been cruel to (allegedly). 

• The interviewer Flaaw (the interview that made me want to quit my job) " congrats on your little bump"

Interview link

• Forcing a journalist to drink while on job - link here

• The hair dresser  - link here

• Intern of the show - link here

• The interviewer during promotion of movie "As I see you"

• Leighton M ("some of us started in a cage" referring to Leightons birth while her mom was imprisoned)

• Cast of Show (calling them monkeys)  

Click to view the yt video

• Penn Badgely (turning the cast against him) - link here

• Assistant director (cried everyday) - link here

• Getting married in a plantation 

• Wore an Afro and blackface (to stalk a guy) - link here

• Disastrous marketing/promotion of a movie with the sensitive subject of Domestic Violence

• Blake Lively on how she steals movie and would like to steal her earrings given for press junket - link here

•  Justin Baldoni, Jamie Heath, Wayfarer - Hijacking the movie  (case in court)

Love

When you love someone,

you enjoy spending time with them

you love talking to them and sharing your thoughts

you laugh a lot with them

you spend as much time as you can with them

you want to know their thoughts and opinions and every facet of them

you are honest with them and want to be a better person for them

you compliment them and you are proud of them

you are attracted to them

you only have eyes for them

you notice their flaws and embrace them anyway

you see a future with them

you care for their health

you ask for their opinions and include them in your decisions

you see yourself including them in your current and future plans

you are willing to compromise and step out of your comfort zone

you see yourself growing old with them

you like who you are when you are with them. 

Desolation

She remarks innocently on one of the comments. He gets intrigued and wants to learn more about her. 

They start talking and get to know each other. He tests the boundaries and pushes it as much as possible. 

She has attachment issues and limerence. She finds herself overwhelmed by the avalanche of attention and fun. She gets scared, expresses her fear for boundaries, emotional upheaval and tempest. He promises to hold back but she feels it is too late. 

She weaves fantasies. He tell her he is just a friend several times. But he weaves a different kind of romantic fantasies. She is confused by the mixed signals and messaging. 

She finds herself in a quicksand, only she enjoys the moments of drowning. There is a looming fear of not existing but there is also the current exhilaration.

She notices several red flags: he is married, he tells her repeatedly he is just a friend and wants to find love with someone else. He does not ask after her health or offer support while she is suffering. He rebuffs her with I'm not sure how to help you. I am not trained. He leaves her when she is distressed. He clearly does not make time to talk to her even as a friend. 

While in the beginning, he was constantly spending time with her, as time passes, he only talks to her when he needs her, mostly at the end of the day for a few minutes. What he says is a fantasy of romance, a story, a fantasy interspersed with I am just being a friend.

While she felt his genuine interest at the start and a curiosity to know more, a fascination because she is different, during the last days, she feels he thinks of her as a passing acquaintance. 

She is confused and lost, Her past trauma gets triggered by her abandonment, She gets anxious and feels abandoned. She is confused why she is unable to cope like everyone else and move on. It is heartbreaking. The future that seemed bleak and foggy now looks annihilated.

She craves his presence and the initial days. She curses herself for speaking her mind. Her overactive mind swirls the possibilities of what ifs and if only. She beats herself up for repeating the mistakes over and over. She vents but it isn't enough. She asks everyone if they ever seen him. 

She cries out for him,  looks for any sign of him and searches to reach out to him. It turns out to be a waste of time, energy and expectations. She begins to question if he ever did say the truth. She does not know his name, any pertinent detail that would identify him. She starts to think everything is a lie. 

She does not want to hold on to the memories, to suffer for someone who could callously abandon her. But, she knows not a way to let go.