Pain

The pain from trauma is unbearable. 

False promises, lies and then disappearance. It hurts. I don't know how to stop this pain and make the hurt go away. Why does someone who is in no position to commit to a relationship enchant and make people fall in love? Why does a married person trifle with someone who has limerence and attachment issues? Feeling abandoned is the worst pain.

How does it work? How does someone go from loving you to completely erasing your memory altogether? A proposal this year only to marry someone else the next? How do they do this? What changes in 6 months? 

Most importantly, how could they disappear? Doesn't it hurt at all? Are they so logical that they are devoid of emotions? Do they consider other people to be so insignificant, mean less than nothing that they feel they can trample others hearts?  Does the time spent mean nothing? Do they get so much pleasure in hurting others? One day you are laughing and the next you never see the person ever again? How do they do this? What do they get out of it?

Is it a lot to ask for a bit of kindness, honesty, empathy? Why is it difficult for some to take the time to explain, set expectations, boundaries, to be there for the other person? Why are they so brutal? 

A red red rose

A Red, Red, rose

- Robert Burns

Romeo and Juliet, Sir Frank Dicksee ,1884

O my Luve is like a red, red rose

   That’s newly sprung in June;

O my Luve is like the melody

   That’s sweetly played in tune.

So fair art thou, my bonnie lad,

   So deep in luve am I;

And I will luve thee still, my dear,

   Till a’ the seas gang dry.

Till a’ the seas gang dry, my dear,

   And the rocks melt wi’ the sun;

I will love thee still, my dear,

   While the sands o’ life shall run.

And fare thee weel, my only luve!

   And fare thee weel awhile!

And I will come again, my luve,

   Though it were ten thousand mile.

     

But I would walk five hundred miles
And I would walk five hundred more
Just to be the man who walked a thousand
Miles to fall down at your door

my petals lie at your feet...

Bardic Wisdom

 Taliesin is a celebrated Welsh poet whose songs are still an inspiration today. He is said to have lived in the 6th century AD and was the adopted grandson of one of Wales' most powerful kings.

Think before thou speakest:

First, what thou shalt speak;

Second, why thou shouldest speak;

Third, to whom thou mayest have to speak;

Fourth, about whom thou art to speak;

Fifth, what will come from what thou mayest speak;

Sixth, what may be the benefit from what thou shalt speak;

Seventh, who may be listening to what thou shalt speak.

Put thy word on thy fingers' ends before thou speakest it, and
turn it these seven ways before thou speakest it, and there will

never come any harm from what thou shalt say.

Trauma - Loss of Self Identity

Our thoughts, behaviors, words, perceptions, actions are shaped and influenced by our build up/make (the way our brain is wired etc), childhood experiences, our experiences as the years go by and life lessons. 

A safe, secure childhood and worldly experience pave way for a happy, healthy and peacefully content life. 

Traumatic experiences slowly chip away at our self confidence, self respect, self esteem, self worth and ultimately self identify. 

Examples of Trauma are physical, verbal, mental, emotional, financial, sexual abuse. 

Physical abuse: Domestic violence, crime, accidents, physical assault, medical illness, man made/natural disasters, terrorism, war zone/combat situation, witnessing physical violence

Verbal abuse: Constant criticism, shouted at, belittlement, bullying, constant nagging 

Emotional Abuse: Neglect, humiliation, silent treatment, divorce, death of loved one, lack of recognition, gaslighting, absentee parents or loved ones, never praised or encouraged, instability, walking on eggshells, witnessing death

Mental/Spiritual Abuse: Separation from a care giver, lack of attention and parental love, rejection, racism, religious persecution, denial of identity persecuted for gender, sexual orientation, generational trauma

Financial abuse: Childhood poverty, loss of job, loss of wealth, business failure, money challenges, poverty thinking, robbery

Sexual abuse: Sexual harassment, molestation, rape

The effects of traumatic events are feelings of  

anger,

fear,

shame, 

grief, 

helplessness, 

powerlessness, 

inability to cope with change, 

trust issues, 

inability to hold a job, 

unstable relationships, 

forgetfulness, 

unable to be punctual, 

procrastination, 

substance abuse, 

limerence, 

confusion, 

poor emotional maturity, 

shock/horror, 

hypervigilance, 

blaming oneself, 

endless and constant rumination, 

dissociation, 

people pleasing, 

flashbacks, 

personality disorders, 

attachment issues, 

depression, 

anxiety, 

excessive worry, 

panic attacks, 

anxiety attacks, 

self neglect, 

self harm, 

inability to make decisions (analysis paralysis), 

insomnia, 

eating disorders, 

anhedonia (loss of interest in hobbies and living, losing the ability to feel pleasure), 

numbness (feeling empty), 

suicidal ideation and 

loss of self identity.

Learning about trauma and rebuilding/regaining self identity can help lead better lives. 

How do we build self identity, self esteem and self worth? With Self Love.

Self love