Abandoned

Have any of u broken up with a friend? 

How did u cope? 

Does it hurt that they just dont give a damn and can leave so easily?

Did he really care? Was it all lies? I can't think that it was all lies. That just seems so impossible to believe. Not knowing is making me so angry, but the anger is just my sadness hiding.

I feel like its a playbook for some people, both men and women, not a gender thing. They have some void in their life, to fill it they seek company of a nice person. They suck others energies, weave fantasises, then when they realise the reality that the other person is a living, breathing being, not a toy, thing who they can say whatever they want to. They get spooked. Because nothing about them is real. Its only fantasy. So they disappear. And because it is a lie, a fantasy to them, it doesn't hurt them. They can just find another victim. To do the samething to over and over.

Red flags to relationships

There are several red flags to relationships; some of them are listed below.

Already married or in a committed relationship: Yes, they are never going to leave their partner even if they say they are going to. It is a very rare occurance. Its a power/ego trip to the married person and destroys the self identity of the partner who is single.

Is not willing to meet or spend quality time together

Does not share phone number or socials 

No physical attraction

Does not see a future or talk about future plans

Is very romantic but insists we are only friends 

Deflects, dodges and does not answer questions or share their views

Not financially stable and refuses to talk about it

Restricted religious views

No open communication and trust

Past relationship trauma which makes them have trust issues, triggers and angry reactions to minor things

Avoidant attachment in relationships

Says racist or inappropriate things but insists they are impertinent

Refuses accountability

Refuses to apologize even when they acknowledge its their fault

Anxious attachment which triggers abandonment issues causing them to threaten self harm

Not willing to establish boundaries but will test by pushing boundaries 

Not supportive or listen when partner wants to vent. Insists its their problem and they dont want to hear about it.

Makes decision in silos and does not consult partners for decisions

Does not understand mental health issues and blames partner for being negative, sad all the time 

Does not know how to express their needs or is not willing to 

Silent treatment, withdrawal, ghosting, blocking and ignoring when there are concerns  that the partner wants to talk about. But will return after a cooling off period and will refuse to talk about the reason for their withdrawal

On-again, off-again relationships

Physical abuse, hitting, assault, violence, rape

Verbal abuse like criticism, belittling, name calling, humiliation, bullying, nagging, shouting

Neglect, gaslighting, plays blame game

Unstable emotions that makes you feel like you are walling on eggshells

No love or romance, no encouragement or motivation, praise

Does not understand love language or makes the effort

Unable to comfort the partner during physical or mental struggles 

Hopefully you realise the red flags and have a conversation with the partner and find a way to resolve them.

Roller coaster

 

Rollercoaster of emotions, but not a fun ride.

I start to see the glimmers but the triggers are overwhelming

Suffering in silence, waiting for the release.

Words hurt, you are mad, negative. 

If I were you, I would see a therapist.

Talk to your parents, this is for the best.

Partners in crime but only when the weather is fair

Leave when it turns stormy.

Friends and strangers left to pick up the damaged pieces

Ache to speak to him, see him or hear the lovely words

Know not how to reach him for he is gone.

Don't want to live, want the pain to end.

The Story - Part 4

To read the other parts, click 

The Story - Part 1,   The Story - Part 2  and  The Story - Part 3

That night she was waiting for him to be online. She had slept during the one hour he was online. She started getting an anxiety attack. She felt like she could not function if she did not talk to him. She messaged him on his blog. He saw her message and was online. She explained her situation. He replied that if i was you i would see a therapist again, I enjoy being your friend that is all. You have trauma and that makes me seem better and that she should stay safe. She replied angrily that if that were the case he would not be leaving romantic messages in her blog. She struggled to explain that she was not a thing or a toy. He replied that he was unfair to her and that he has to go but worries that she was upset, he was not sure how to help her. She said that she wanted to harm herself. He left her. 

She deleted the comments she had left in his blog. She later found that he had deleted his blog. She was confused, heart broken and crushed. She felt guilty and ashamed that she had pushed him away. She wanted to be in his life even as a friend, as an outlier point. She had felt a ray of hope when he told her about his trauma that they might have each other their lives. But, now she had lost him once and for all.